Stop Being Nice. Start Being Kind.

As the world burns, only one option can save us.

The world doesn’t need more nice people. It needs more kind ones.

“But Shola, aren’t nice and kind the same thing?”

What?! No. Not even close. Confusing the two is one of the biggest reasons why so many of our workplaces, relationships, and communities are suffering right now.

Nice people are the ones who say “please” and “thank you” as they watch the world burn. Kind people, on the other hand, are the ones who put out the fires, tend to the burned, and put in the work to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

And as you can imagine, only one of those options has the power to positively change the world.

Let’s break this down a little deeper.

The Problem with Niceness

Nice, by definition, means being polite and agreeable. Hopefully we can agree that is an incredibly low bar when it comes to measuring the goodness of humanity.

For real, take a moment to think of the absolute worst human being you know (sadly, this probably shouldn’t take you too long 😅). I bet even that person is capable of having a few superficial pleasantries tumble out of their mouths every now and then.

But would you call them kind?

Doubtful.

I’ll take it a step further. I believe that most acts of niceness are largely performative. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s the coworker who smiles to your face and tears you apart behind your back in the group chat. It’s the manager who says “my door is always open” but rolls their eyes the moment you walk through it. It’s even the friend who nods along with everything you say, not because they agree, but because disagreeing would be uncomfortable.

Nice is easy. It requires nothing from us except good manners and the ability to fog a mirror with our breath.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m obviously not anti-good manners. Saying “please” and “thank you” still matter and I’d love it if more people said those things regularly. But let’s stop pretending that surface-level politeness is the same thing as actually giving a damn about people.

Unfortunately, I know this intimately.

For a large chunk of my life, I used to be the prototypical nice guy - I smiled a lot, I was friendly, and I was always super polite. Sounds great, right? Well…not exactly.

Unfortunately, I was also the guy who sat in silence as my high school classmates repeatedly teased a student with Down Syndrome. In college, I laughed uncomfortably as my dorm mates made sickening racist jokes because I didn’t want to lose their friendship if I asked them to stop. After college, I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend (who I really liked) because my buddies didn’t think she was attractive.

Reflecting on it now decades later, I cringe thinking about how weak-minded that version of me was. Still though, if you had access to a time machine and you could ask my younger self if I was a kind person, I would have said “yes” in a heartbeat.

But I wasn’t kind. Hell, I couldn’t even pass the test of being kind to myself, not to mention to others.

Sure, I mastered the smile, the small talk, the polite deflection - but as mentioned, that’s not kindness. That’s performative niceness.

The kindness that I’m advocating for out here on these streets requires us to feel something, risk something, and then actually do something about it. Even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or unpopular.

Unfortunately, that’s the part about this kindness stuff that most people skip.

Hi, it’s Shola! Allow me to interrupt your reading to mention that the fastest way to grow this kindness movement is to kindly share this article with others. If you’ve found this article helpful, please share that helpfulness with others. It’s free and it only takes a second.

Kindness Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait

For most of my life, I used to think kindness was something you were born with. It’s like some people are just naturally warm and giving, and the rest of us are out of luck.

Thankfully, that’s not how it works.

Kindness isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. It’s a daily decision to show up with honesty, courage, and compassion, especially when it would be so much easier not to.

Here’s how I choose to define it:

Kindness is demonstrating through our actions that we sincerely care about another human being — even when it’s difficult, uncomfortable, or costs us something.

What does that look like in real life?

• It looks like building meaningful relationships with people who don’t look like you do or love like you do, instead of letting cable news, social media, or random strangers with a megaphone shape your opinions for you.

• It looks like prioritizing our mental health in a world that rewards rugged individualism, hustle culture, and the bizarre pseudo-flex to “sleep when you’re dead.”

• It looks like taking a stand against unkind behavior, even when doing so could affect your relationships, your career, and possibly, your safety.

• It looks like consistently showing up with small acts of kindness when hopelessness and helplessness are both whispering in your ear that your efforts won’t make a shred of difference when the world is on fire.

• It looks like holding the closest people in your life accountable for their harmful behavior instead of constantly making excuses for them.

Being nice is easy. Kindness on the other hand? Especially in these unkind times? It’s hard as hell.

If you’ve ever wondered why there aren’t more kind people in the world, there’s your answer.

Sadly, too many people choose superficial pleasantries over the harder work of genuinely caring about others. But choosing to care deeply about someone’s wellbeing? Even when they don’t make it easy for you? Even when there’s no reward? Even when it costs you something?

That’s the real work.

That’s what it means to be Strong Enough to Be Kind™. Because kindness that I’m advocating for isn’t for the faint of heart. The weak need not apply for this gig.

It takes strength to be honest when lying is easier. It takes strength to stand up for someone when sitting down and staying quiet is safer. It takes strength to lead with warmth and kindness when leading with coldness and cruelty is often rewarded these days.

So here’s my challenge for you this week: catch yourself the next time you’re about to default to “nice.” The next time you’re tempted to smile politely and say nothing when something needs to be said or done, pause. Ask yourself: “Am I being nice right now, or am I being kind?”

Here’s the simplest way I can put it:

Nice is something you do. Kind is something you are.

The world has plenty of people doing the nice performance, y’all.

What the world desperately needs are more people who are brave enough, who are caring enough, and who are strong enough to be kind.

Even when it’s the harder choice ❤️.

Ubuntu,
Shola aka Brother Teresa

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It’s free, it’s fast, and most of all, it tells me you value this work and that I should keep writing every week in pursuit of a kinder world.

What’s your take on niceness vs. kindness? Have you experienced the difference in your life? Jump into the conversation in the comments below!